Sleep is important for everyone. A baby’s sleep is particularly important for their growth and development and for your ability to sleep and generally get anything done.
Just sleeping isn’t enough though… there can be some serious parental pitfalls to a baby learning to sleep the “wrong” way. These include:
- Sleep in the bed with mom and dad.
- Falling asleep on / in the arms of mom or dad.
- Needing to be held or comforted to go to sleep (or back to sleep) every time.
- Rushing to the child’s side at the slightest whimper.
Middle Class Dad’s Baby Sleep 101 Rules:
- Never, ever (no, not even once) let your child sleep with you. Your pediatrician will give you this same advice to keep your child alive (prevent accidental smothering) — it goes without saying that this rule is important for that reason, but consider this the “ounce of prevention” for having your kid sleeping in your bed the rest of your life.
- Whenever possible, do not let your child fall asleep (or actively sleep) in your arms. There are times (such as when on a plane) when this won’t be avoidable, but otherwise you should see this as a hard and fast rule.
- If your child falls asleep in your arms at home before you realize they are drifting off: take them to their crib, lay them down, gently wake them just enough that their eyes open and let them go back to sleep.
- Once your child is down for bedtime (or nap time) – leave them in their crib until it is time for them to wake up.
- If your child is crying in the night, limit your comforting to gentle strokes, pats and the all-important “shhhhhhhh.”
- If it isn’t time for you child to wake up, but they start whimpering, crying, screaming or otherwise not sleeping, give them five minutes before going to them. This gives them an opportunity to “self-sooth” (essentially, learn to put themselves back to sleep without being comforted).
- After five minutes, go ahead and go give them some comfort (remember Rule #3 above!) – if five minutes into comforting they aren’t crying / screaming any less, give them five minutes (or more) alone again. Like all kids, they will have some nights where they have trouble (or are fighting) going to sleep, but they will fall asleep eventually (and even though you feel like you have to do something if they are crying, if they aren’t responding to your comforting you aren’t doing them (or you) any favors).
- Extra tip: Ditch the baby monitor — unless your house is so big you can’t hear your baby crying from anywhere you might be or you’re going to be outside. If you don’t hear every little whimper, you don’t have to decide whether or not to respond.
- Be consistent! Stick to a sleep schedule. If you child’s bedtime is 7P, have them in bed at 7P. Plan around this (“Sorry, I can’t make dinner out at 6:30, my daughter’s bedtime is 7. How about we beat the crowds and get an early dinner at 5:30?”). If nap time is 10A and 1P, stick to those too. If she falls asleep early, that’s okay, refer to Rule #2 and take her to her crib. At some point you’ll want to institute a bed time routine and be consistent with that as well.
Bonus advice: Get a noise-making toy for sleep-time.
What might happen if you ignore these rules? – Real examples!
- One of my wife’s aunts has a six-year old daughter. Her daughter slept in bed with her mom (dad is not in the picture) every night since infancy. When she tried to move her daughter to a room and bed of her own, you can guess the result. At six, her daughter now sleeps in her own bed… but only if her mom comes to bed with her and lies with her until she falls asleep. Don’t let this be you!
- One of my wife’s closest friends has a daughter who will only fall asleep in one of her parent’s arms. She’s okay with being put in her own crib after she falls asleep… unless she wakes up, then repeat. Infants especially love to sleep in their parent’s arms / on their parents. It is warm and close and has body sounds… just like the womb they were recently evicted from. Despite that, you need to introduce them to a new norm.
- Two different colleagues of mine over the years have had a three-year-old that still was not sleeping through the night.
Further great sleep advice (and a lot more) can be found in Dr. Karp’s The Happiest Baby on the Block.
What do you think? Do you have your own rules that have helped you with putting baby to sleep? Will your child not go to sleep without you? Comment below!